


Baby Steps

by Saffyyy



Category: Gintama
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/M, Fluff, I can't write feelings to save my life, Married Couple, Married Life, very light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 10:27:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21297941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffyyy/pseuds/Saffyyy
Summary: Truthfully, he knows that sooner or later a kid would be necessary for his blood and family lineage to keep thriving in this world. There was also the perk of a potential lethal weapon of destruction; the offspring of a super sadist and a Yato warrior would definitely be the surefire strategy Sougo needs to assassinate Hijikata once and for all.And while all that would be great,it's just not possible.
Relationships: Kagura/Okita Sougo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 203





	Baby Steps

Honestly, Sougo isn't able to pinpoint the exact moment it all started. 

Whether it was China subtly hinting to it or the pressuring from the people they surround themselves with, at some point the topic abruptly materialized from thin air and refused to instantly dissipate, like a fart that transpires in a room with no outings. Unlike the fart though, the topic doesn’t fade away eventually; it lingers permanently. 

Thinking about it now, it may have started that one day when China’s family visited. Sougo has a vivid memory of it. An instigated fight somehow came about, causing their dinner table to snap into two, and they were forced to buy a new one the next day.

* * *

Her father is the one to bring it up and the conversation quickly escalates from there.

“_ I _ think they will inherit my charm and good looks.” China announces. She puffs up her chest with pride.

“I hope not.” Sougo deadpans. “We don’t need _ another _ dirty pig in this house.” He tilts his head as a fork flies past and wedges itself into the wall behind him.

The Umibozu speaks in-between bites of rice. “It is a high possibility they would acquire _ my _ well-endowed traits. After all, my descendents are capable of taking after me too.”

China interrupts him. “Your baldness will not come ten feet near them Papi! Obviously they will be inheriting my model genes, yes?”

Sougo pokes at a piece of meat on his plate.

“Does it really matter what they look like?” Her brother finally says after bearing with the conversation for too long. “As long as they’re powerful, they’ll definitely be worthy.” 

His stupid smiling face turns to Sougo. “Although, keeping them on Earth probably wouldn’t awaken their full potential. Wouldn’t you agree, _ policeman_?”

The conversation stops there and China’s family visit ends up being cut short. 

But Sougo doesn’t care. 

To be honest, they don’t even need a kid right now.

* * *

Ever since that cursed conversation with her family, China does not let go of the topic, and it’s partly her fault that it continues to exist in his life. She looks at multiple pictures of babies in magazines, all dolled up and presented like they're the very definition of innocence and purity. Sougo is not as easily fooled however. Behind that pure pretense of a display is a smelly, drooling mess who never ceases to cry for their own needs and whose diaper requires a change after every constant dump they take.

But China often talks to him about the children she exposes herself to. _ “I saw a family with such a cute baby the other day. They looked quite happy, yes?”,_ _“Sougo, don’t these baby clothes look adorable?”, “Hey, Sougo, babies have such tiny hands, you could cage the entire thing in your own fist!", _bloody hell, it was never ending. 

Now it wasn't like Sougo was _ completely _against having a kid. After all, a child is pretty much inevitable and expected of any married couple.

And truthfully, he knows that sooner or later a kid _ would _ be necessary for his blood and family lineage to keep thriving in this world. There was also the perk of a potential lethal weapon of destruction; the offspring of a super sadist and a Yato warrior would definitely be the surefire strategy Sougo needs to assassinate Hijikata once and for all. 

And while all that would be great,

it's just not possible.

* * *

One of the worst things about having a problem is knowing how to deal with it. If Sougo couldn’t physically kill it or at least stab it, it could only mean there was no solution.

Or rather, no solution that he was comfortable with.

Because he has no friends, he has no one reliable to talk to.

Because his character makes others avoid him, he is forced to seek out the closest thing to a friend.

Because he is a sadistic bastard who finds pleasure in inflicting pain on others and seeing people suffer, he becomes isolated from the civilized and respectable people of society, and goes to the boss for the help he needs.

Sougo believes that people of the same calibur are able to depend on each other, mostly because no one else will accept them. And while the mere thought of _ him,_ the brutal first-division Shinsengumi captain, seeking _advice _from someone (let alone the Yorozuya boss of all people) was enough for him to vomit his brains out and make a smoothie out of it, 

the simple fact was that the problem didn’t just concern him.

Unfortunately, the boss doesn’t end up being of much assistance anyway.

“Haa? You mean you haven’t even talked about it?” The boss’ dead fish eyes couldn’t have looked more uninterested. He digs a pinky into his right nostril. “I could care less what you two dumbasses do. It’s bad enough that you got married to each other, I don’t need to be concerned with whether or not you create something in bed.”

The glasses-wearing-a-human then speaks. “Ah! Gin-san, you shouldn’t be so rude when Okita brought us this whole box of cakes!” 

But Sougo doesn’t pay either of them any attention. He suddenly starts thinking about the copious amount of laxatives he put in those cakes.

When Sougo takes his leave, he hears the big guy scream from the inside and he can’t hold back the resulting laughter.

* * *

During one warm evening at the Shinsengumi headquarters, someone enters Sougo’s room while he’s pretending to work. He lifts his head from his desk, sees a gorilla, then lays his head back down.

Kondo tells him that he hasn’t really been acting himself lately, after he only attempted to assassinate Hijikata twice today and his nap count hadn’t reached the daily quota, is he feeling okay, he can always talk about it if he wants.

Of course, Sougo denies being troubled at all. The last thing he needs is a heart-to-heart with a gorilla-stalker who gets turned on by radishes.

As Kondo walks towards the door to leave the younger officer alone, he, unfortunately, stops and turns to face Sougo again, a warm smile on his features.

“The Yorozuya guy called,” Kondo began, and Sougo freezes. “Said you came to talk to him about kids the other day.”

Sougo looks up and gazes at the chief. Something in his eyes gives off a knowing vibe, as he turns around again and heads out the door.

Instead of laying his head back down, Sougo stares blankly at the bulky retreating form of the Shinsengumi chief, then directs his attention to the mountain of paperwork next to him on the desk. He tries to fall asleep, but the mere thought of the damned Yorozuya boss actually being _ interested _ and _ concerned _ about Sougo’s predicament, so much so that he bloody _ told _ the gorilla chief about it, effectively blocked out any hopes of dozing off sometime soon.

With nothing better to do, Sougo attempts to bore a hole through the paperwork mountain with his fierce stare, but he is interrupted by the disgusting smell of tobacco on his office and he has to hold back the groan that immediately forms.

When he looks up, the vice-chief is leaning against the doorway, a lit cigarette in hand.

“You haven’t been acting like your usual bratty self.” He says.

Sougo glares at him. “Go die Hijikata-san.”

“It’s unlike you to seek help from someone.”

“Choke on air and die Hijikata-san.”

“Don’t you automatically sign up for children when you get married?”

“Drink poison and die Hijikata-san.”

“What are you so afraid of anyway?”

“Fall off a cliff and die Hijikata-san.”

“Is it because of your sister?”

Silence.

The bastard smirks. “Thought so.”

As the vice-chief turns and leaves, Sougo inwardly hopes that the latter’s body catches fire and combusts, with the only remnants left being his ashes.

It obviously doesn’t happen (unfortunately), and the man’s cursed words remain in the air.

_ “Your sister?” _

_Of course_ it would be bloody Hijikata to see right through the wall of indifference Sougo set up for himself, expose him of the problems he tried to hide, then figure out the basis of said problems that he doesn’t want to face.

and_ of course _ the bastard is right about it.

Because, despite Sougo loathing the idea, Hijikata of all people would understand that basis the best.

Okita Mitsuba, his sister.

His sister who, for so long, was the only definition of love Sougo could understand. His sister, who did everything to raise him and sacrificed her own happiness to do so. His sister, who died because he wasn’t strong enough for her.

So what if it was six bloody years ago that she died? The fact remains that he wasn’t able to save her. To protect her and keep her alive for as long as possible. To prevent her illness from completely consuming her. To give her the happiness she deserved.

The fact remains that he’s an absolute mess of a man who couldn’t even do that much for the one family he knew. An inexpressive person who hid his insecurities behind his murderous and sadistic tendencies to prevent others from seeing through it all.

A mess of a man like him… was he even capable of raising a child of his own?

His sister died trying to raise him when they had no one else. How would he be able to do the same for his own kid if he couldn’t even help his sister?

* * *

From the taxi window, Sougo sees a kid step in dog crap.

He doesn’t laugh.

When he slides open the doors of his house, he has to mentally prepare himself for the sight of China’s ugly crying face that always manages to reach into him and twist every single organ in his body, that he wants to throw up and punch himself all at once. The thought of inflicting that much pain on her becomes a haunting voice that rings in his ears and cackles in every corner of his mind.

Sougo finds China in the living room, back facing him as she sits comfortably against her dog and surrounds herself with a pile of papers he’s unfamiliar with.

He's not sure if she hears him or not because she seems to be preoccupied with her papers. He takes silent steps towards her and begins to think about whether or not she would be open to raising Sadaharu as their child.

When he looks over his wife, Sougo inspects the documents around her. They were all old letters that looked to be from the same person. Her father. Every letter from her childhood. 

Old letters from her father that she kept all these years. Wrinkled papers and pictures that were slightly stained and some ripped, but the words and feelings remain.

Sougo ponders why she's reading these letters now, wouldn't they just give her lonely memories, what joy would she find in there, couldn't she be doing something that would make his bad news easier to break?

But when he looks at her face, he sees her smiling.

At first, he doesn’t understand why she would be _happy_ reading those lonesome letters,

but it takes him a minute to realize the reason and he curses to himself when he does, because it’s then that he remembers,

the problem didn’t just concern him.

For Sougo, a child was a responsibility that he was in no state or position to take.

For China, a child was a ray of hope to recreate something she never had.

An opportunity to form the family she was never able to grow up in. To have a father who wouldn’t take constant leaves from his home to travel the never-ending galaxy, to have a brother who also wouldn’t end up leaving his family behind to become a space criminal, to have a mother whose death would not break the family up into several broken pieces that no glue could put back together,

and the youngest child would not be left alone, forced to watch her messy family pass and go as they pleased, while she remained the sole member who stayed on their small planet, in their small home, by her small self.

If his own insecurities prevents her from having this opportunity, then Sougo has no right to call himself her husband.

And if China is able to see this child as a second chance instead of another chaotic failure waiting to happen, then there’s no reason for him not to do the same.

No reason at all.

Sougo kneels down and wraps his arms around her. She tenses slightly from the unexpected hug.

He brings his mouth close to her ear and speaks softly in the low voice that gives her goosebumps every time. 

“As soon as that child is able to walk and talk, we’re teaching them basic assassination skills.” He says.

He hears China gasp and, not being able to hold back her tsundereness, she breaks out of his arms to tackle him to the floor and shower him with kisses, before eagerly attacking him with a barrage of loud “thank you”s.

She squeezes him in her loving embrace and he chuckles despite not being able to breathe, because in that moment where he’s caught between her love and death by suffocation, his insecurities are non-existent, he forgets the things holding him back, and even when she lets go after he says her death grip will kill him before they even get the chance to make the child, he feels content.

Despite Sougo still being a complete mess of a man, an inexpressive person who hides his self-doubts behind a wall of sadistic behaviours that few could trespass, an idiot who was _ terrible _at keeping together the people he held dear,

he takes baby steps towards something different.

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAAHHHH I am so sorry it took me super long to update. Basically school is taking up a lot of time and the free bits I have here and there are not enough for me to get much work done. I made this piece because I wanted to publish something and it was a concept I really liked.  
I have a multi-chapter fic in the making and it's taking super long to get done. The reason for this is because I want to finish all of the chapters before I publish the first one, so I can avoid a long hiatus thing in-between chapters. I don't really know when I can publish it (definitely not anytime soon unfortunately) so have this thing for now.  
I'm terrible at writing feelings and emotional stuff aaaaah you'll have to forgive me.
> 
> (Also if you'd like a possible (but unrelated) sad 'ending' to this fic, check out Arasei's Monsters series :D )


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